I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I need to stop coming to work sober
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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