dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize