Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize