And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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