im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
