She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
