Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
