Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
