Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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