i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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