this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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