His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
