This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
