i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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