is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
