That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
