You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize