i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
