the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
