im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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