Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
