I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
