remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
