Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
