There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
