yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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