i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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