Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
This house was built for laser tag.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
