I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
