This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
