she sounds like chewbacca in bed
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
