I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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