it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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