fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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