i don't plan on having that self control this summer
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
