There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize