the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
