You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
