I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
