reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
