I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
