why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
A+ Viking dick
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
