Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
