He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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