just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
