3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
