my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
