he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Life is so much better after having sex.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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