That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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