We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
