Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
