He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
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