Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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