Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
