Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
