He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
