im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
