Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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