A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
