sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he thought i was a dude.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
