and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
