Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
