if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
