where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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