ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
