In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
