I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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