Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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