Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize