All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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