the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This is the high leading the old right now
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
