you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he was CRYING into my vagina
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
