Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
