Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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