Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
