READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
