i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
