I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
