I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
