I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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