Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
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